The Current Me: for Bruce and Mona

This photo of me, taken at Newport, Oregon (at a great seafood restaurant) is an invite to myself and to my old friends to not be afraid of being older...
I guess I'm saying "here I am" I'm older than I was 30 years ago and ??? But of course I am, older that is! So what am I trying to say here?
Let me back up a bit...

A few weeks ago this chain of events begin to unwind. First Charlie from nursing school called. I heard his dear voice and time slipped away. (We graduated in 1977). I asked him if he had heard from Mona, who we both worked with and then miracle of miracles Mona wrote to me. There is no way to describe Mona, except for adoring her. And then Bruce showed up and I just broke down and sobbed. (I am prone to leaky emotions). I thought I had lost track of my oldest friend. And to see his dear face with his partner, well...it made me so happy.

And then suddenly I became:
the plain girl from high school who didn't go to the prom
the Girl Scout geeky camp counselor who fell in love at 18 and got her heart broken,
the newly out insecure lesbian from the late 70's
and the always making stuff girl (art) who couldn't figure out that this was a viable life pathway...

And now I'm 56 and I have made it through a lot of trials and tribulations
(I never really worried much about getting fatter because I always was),
but I have the STUPIDEST thought in my head, "suppose they won't like me because I am older?"
and does this make ANY sense at all?

probably not... but then the reason Mona and Bruce were my dear friends was because even 30 years ago they liked me despite or because of the fact that I was a bit different.

I love you Bruce.
I love you Mona.
What a gift to know you are in the world.

Good thing we got new furniture

This morning I walked into the living room and found one cat and two dogs sharing the sofa, and one old kitty on the recliner chair. Guess no one was interested in the 3 dog beds on the floor!
I got a lot done today, I did my trick of making myself do tasks I don't want to: an hour of art and then an hour of work (dishes, weeding a planter, scrubbing dog drool off windows).
Looking forward to Sunday and tea with A. and lots more painting!

Doing the Work

I really like this "3" painting.

"Doing the work" is the theme of my life lately. At my job I spend a chunk of time teaching which mostly is lots of fun. I've made the material, and then I stand up and try to put it across in an entertaining way. And then there is the other chunk which is just plain work.

My job is to take ideas and needs, do research and make a learning tool. And... every single time I start by getting overwhelmed before I finally settle down and tackle the job at hand. I've had to learn how to be organized and not have piles of paper everywhere. It hasn't been easy. It's not my nature.

Today I got "Handmade Nation" from the library. It's all about people making a living from their craft. The first article I read stated everything I have been dealing with in art and work life. That to succeed you have to be an artist, designer, business manager, account, customer-service representative, publicist, writer and website programmer. And that all this takes a lot of internal motivation. And the other quality the author added was optimism.

I think the only things that come naturally to me in the above list are artist and optimism. The rest are all an act of faith and hard work.

My painting mantra is "I can make this work". And with that, let the next 4 days off work (at the hospital) begin!

The Middle of the Week

Tashi and Simon waiting at the doggy, smeary door!

It's the middle of my work week and I'm tired. My psyche wants to paint but I'm just too tired. Maybe I'll write about things I'm excited about:
1. I'm excited about K's food blog: Cheffeta (see link under "Community"). It makes me want to eat food that is good for me, no mean feat.
2. I'm excited about working outside, sitting on a bucket and pulling little weeds.
3. I'm excited about the book I'm reading: "The 19th Wife". Anyone read this? It's fascinating so far.
4. I'm really excited about time in the studio. I'm so into what I am doing.

Ginger always says it doesn't take much to make me happy. I'm pretty lucky, I have all that I could possibly want and need.

Getting Started

My cupcake party gave me lots of energy. I'm excited about what I am doing. I gessoed panels today and worked on these two paintings. They seem about halfway done to me. I especially like the top one. He is an imperfect figure with the perfect head on his shoulder to remind him constantly of his inadequacies. I keep in mind the advice from L. "What are you trying to say?" "What is the most important thing?"

Popular Culture

I am always way behind when it comes to music. I checked out Beyonce's CD "B Day" and have TOTALLY enjoyed it all day. I love energy music. But, why is she posing with alligators on a leash in stilletos and a bathing suit? At first I thought they were ski poles and she was poking the poor creatures. So of course I have to google this question and sure enough PETA was after her for this action. I'm listening to Keysia Cole too, great stuff and more photos a la "oops, I'm in a bathing suit"
And why is any of this important? It seeps slowly though the strata of my brain cells and ultimately ends up in my art work.
I've had a great, calm, productive day. Feels good...

Worth Watching Documentary

I love documentary filmaking. This film made me think and (surprise) made me cry. Here is the blurb from Netflix:

Female inmates at Bedford Hills Correctional Facility for Women try to determine whether redemption is really possible after committing a crime. Proctored by playwright Eve Ensler, the convicts (including two former members of the Weather Underground) perform a series of writing exercises and discussions that could lead to healing. The film culminates in a prison performance of the women's writings by Glenn Close, Marisa Tomei and Rosie Perez.

To me the film was about being defined in our lives by our mistakes, big and small and how we can or cannot grow past them.

Rent this one, it's worth it.