My apron

There are some things you cannot let go of...

I met K and L when they were 19 and almost 23 and I was 43 or 44. We were all taking the same art classes, printmaking, drawing and painting. At the time I didn't know that the creative process dissolves boundary lines between people. I had somehow become friends, real friends with two women half my age. So of course I questioned it, and was set straight by K. I have learned so much from my friendship with these two...some things practical, some motivational, and everything about friendship can transend generations. 

How lucky I was to meet these two. I am sorry that over the years L has a paint mustache, but you can see how I have used and loved this gift. They sent me this almost 20 years ago...

Yesterday I hung it back on the hook in my new studio. 

I love you both.

Self portraits 2014, collage, ink, paint on brown found paper

I don't like the number five, and here are 5 self portraits I found while labeling my photos. 

My homely, chubby child self full of ideas. 

I'm unpacking paints and brushes. It looks like a studio here. I am itching to start. 

I think writers are braver than artists... it's a little hard to post my childhood self.

I moved... from a big house and a separate 400 square foot studio. I had lots of room. I kept everything. EVERYTHING. It was easier to keep things than to deal with the emotions that arose when I tried to let go of them. Mostly guilt... guilt that someone gave me that and how could i give away anything that G. gave me? Guilt...how could I throw away letters that my sister took so much time and caring energy to write? Uneasy guilt...well I bought that and even if I no longer like it I should keep it, and worst of all ART... my flat files are full and my walls are overflowing.

And then we moved.

I have a choice. I could live surrounded by boxes and piles and a storage place to pay rent on or I could get rid of about half of what I own.

In Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, she asks the reader to envision what kind of life they would like to lead, what their ideal environment would be, how that environment would make them feel.

The disparity between my MASS OF STUFF and a small house that is spacious, clean, a welcoming place to have tea with friends, a haven is at the moment still large. But... it's getting better!

Yesterday I went through my clothes which wasn't too hard since I buy most of them at the thrift store anyway. They are neat and orderly and well... happy. And I feel happy looking at them. I found my favorite work pants...

today my goal is the pile of boxes in the corner of my studio and putting away the shop vac (sounds small I know, but it's been in the house for weeks... how these odd things stop us???

There is something powerful about downsizing and getting rid of what you don't need. It frees you up to be in the here and now and move forward. 

Making paintings in a way different method... interesting...

Watching an artist talk about their process makes me itch to paint...

I am back from the land of ice and snow...

  I am standing on a bridge overlooking the Gihon river in Johnson, Vermont. I was here for 27 days for an amazing artist residency at Vermont Studio Center. When I got here you could not see the water in the river, just snow. As the month progressed and the temp got a little warmer the snow melted over the water, and the ice began to break up. There was ice floating on the river and lying at the bottom of the river. I had to watch each day no matter how cold it was. 

Conclusion? Snow and ice are incredibly beautiful but hard to live with for months on end.

Tonight I sat in the hot tub with G. and had a talk about what I learned at this residency. 

Since I had not made art for 9 months the first few days I felt almost apathetic, like I couldn''t remember why I wanted to do this art thing. Slowly this was replaced by my usual experimentation and faith that just working would yield, well... something.

Things got better. (and I started meeting stupendous people)

I had three opportunities to have a visiting artist come to my studio to look at what I was making, offer suggestions, and for me to ask questions. I knew I had questions, but I didn't know what they were.

 I could not think of what to ask the first visiting artist, but I got the feedback that my painting was different (in a good way), and that I was doing well and should just keep going. 

I asked the second artist why we should make art? I was sincere about this question. Her answer was that people need beautiful things to look at. This is so true, but it still didn't answer my question.

By the time the third artist came around I knew what I wanted to know... my question was: what did I miss by not getting a BFA and MFA? I think she had good answers... She said that two years of uninterrupted studio work, feedback from other artists, and developing the ability to brush off the opinions of those who do not like what you make is helpful. She told me that when artists came to her studio that did not like her work she took them out to coffee and asked them about other resources that would further her career. 

I know one of my unanswered questions is where do I belong in the art world? 

If there is art and art business at what point do I cross over to the business side?

and again why am I making art?

Meanwhile.... I had a lot of fun, ate yummy food, got to see my sister and niece and brother in law and my old friend Sho and painted on the walls of the studio! I made the above painting in the last few days before we left. It made me happy. 

A good reason to make art, happiness...

I hope you can read this...

I do hope you can read this, the type is kind of small and I am not used to making cartoons. I am getting ready to leave for Vermont Studio Center for a month long residency and I am trying to "finish" putting my house together.

For the first time in 26 years all my "stuff" is in one place. I can't blame Ginger for my accumulations. I have box after box after box of items to go through and let go of. I don't let go easily. I understand the hoarder mentality of equating keeping things so you think you don't lose the people who gave/left them  to you. Just going through my art supplies is daunting. Why do I need so many sketchbooks? 

I need to work and I can't til this all gets put away and everything has a place. 

Almost done, and when I get home I will give my tables a coat of paint and go to work!

But having so much "stuff" has got to change for me, it takes up too much energy.